7 WAYS TO PUT THE ATTIC EVERYWHERE

Tired of reading The Attic on the same old screen?  We hear you!  As part of the annual Fall Membership Drive, The Attic is now available on alt-media, new and old.  Here’s how to put The Attic on. . .

1.  Your Bathroom Mirror — Start by holding your phone or tablet, with the Attic in full view, in the mirror.  See!  See!  The Attic is right there on your bathroom mirror!  Of course, the print is backwards but we’re working on that.

2. Your patio screen door — Amid all the fuss about screens, screens, screens! the old fashioned patio screen door is feeling neglected.  To include its intricately woven mesh in the ongoing screen frenzy, buy a digital projector.  Then hook it to your phone or tablet using an HDMI cable (not included in The Attic).  Finally, open The Attic and beam its brilliance at your backdoor screen.  Works best at night.

3.  Your Refrigerator — Today’s smart appliances think they’re sooooo smart!  Ovens, in particular, think they’re the smartest appliance in the room.  So why not help your refrigerator compete by adding The Attic to its smart functions?  Currently there is no way to do this other than with a digital projector (see #2) but we’re working on it.

4.  Your Friends’ Screens — This one is easy.  Tell your friends about The Attic and let them log on.

5.  Your Dreams — Why read The Attic only during waking hours?  Using Lucid Dream Suggestive Therapy, simply read 15 Attic articles at bedtime, then turn out the light.  Odds are good that you’ll dream of a kinder, cooler America.  If this does not work, try 20-25 bedtime articles.  Remember, there are 350+ to choose from.

6.  Your Own Attic — For a new level of rummaging, put The Attic in your Attic!  First print out at least 100 Attic articles.  Then take the thick stack upstairs to your Attic.  At the count of three, THROW the articles to the ceiling.  As they settle, you’ll have plenty of rummaging to do.

7.  The Night Sky — Unfortunately, there is no way to project The Attic on the sky.  However, Attic engineers are working on a communications satellite that will beam each week’s Attic onto the sky — just below the Big Dipper.